last night was a good night; today is a good day

first, the concert was great: a solid but unsquished crowd of maybe 100 kids, most of whom looked younger than me. that was a first. the basement of the unitarian church is a dim (or maybe the lights were just out?), wood-paneled room, the sort of room that reminds me of the late 70s, early 80s, like it probably had shag carpeting at some point.

we arrived for the end of shearwater (or is it sheerwater?) - tallish kid with a guitar, then a banjo with the recently resurfaced ivory-billed woodpecker drawn on it, flanked by a very girlfriend-looking cellist, a drummer with very bad hair, and a violinist who resembled a lion both in mane and fighting spirit. they played well. the lead was best loud.

mr. goats is a strange one, the kind of strange you are when you're strange in conservative places: an unsocialized strangeness. he spoke eagerly of his hypochondria, wife, ending forever the cries of "free bird!" the banter was excellent, mostly conducted with his bassist, a kind of bullfighter/the jesus type. did he have a mustache, or would it just have been appropriate? goats' best line, in my opinion, was, "we intuitive types, you think these things slip by us, but no. we skip reason and go straight to suspicion."

his songs are short, full of mornings, grass, and blood - compulsive. it was just what i needed, i said, something lo-fi but intense, something i might conceivably do. reading Herzog is giving me same feeling. i laughed out loud in the cafeteria reading:

"Then he realized suddenly that Ramona had made herself into a sort of sexual professional (or priestess). He was used to dealing with vile amateurs lately. I didn't know that I could make out with a true sack artist.
"But is that the secret goal of my vague pilgrimage? Do I see myself to be after long blundering an unrecognized son of Sodom and Dionysus--an Orphic type? (Ramona enjoyed speaking of Orphic types.) A petit-bourgeois Dionysian?
"He noted: Foo to all these categories!"

this, by the way, is on page 17. on my walk back to the office i thought about being a sexual professional or priestess, how there is a choice between that and children, and that, for me, a relationship that includes babies will almost certainly be a relationship that demands fidelity.

so i guess i'm into today. overslept, which does not surprise me: up too late every day since sunday. reading TMN, i encountered bear. i have made a special new friend! i wrote to bear, and he wrote me back! he said:

>> dear alyssa,
>> thank you so much for writing.
>> i am so happy you liked the pictures of my travels...
>> even though some are actually not from paris...
>> the jesus pictures are all from washington dc.
>> actually all from one room at the national gallery
>> can you imagine?
>>
>> yes, please feel free to use the pictures for your desktop.
>> which one will you choose?
>>
>> sorry for the short email.
>> typing is not easy for me.
>>
>> waving
>> -bear

i'm so happy. bear makes me feel very gentle like when it starts to snow as you're walking the city. recovering something like childhood is so precious. bear lives with an artist in brooklyn who does fantastic drawings. what do you think, anyone, should i write to witold, as well as bear?

heard from another wonderful friend today: roomie c! with whom i plan to room during our 2-year reunion in june. she has registered me as her "spouse." and i get to see her this weekend for alcohol and strawberries. and N is back, and m is coming, and i am so excited to see all these friendly letters.

in other swat-related news, gilmore stott has died. this is a man i did not know, but who appears to have been incredibly wise and responsible for the mccabe scholars, of which our good friend wh is one. you should read about him here. i would be honored to have such a life. reading about his encouragement of students, as well as maurice eldridge, made me remember that eldridge once emailed me - out of the blue, never having interacted before - to compliment me on a story i'd published in Spike. i'll take those words seriously now. and perhaps i'll get in touch.