where to begin?

i have no idea. sometimes all it takes is a few days to overflow on blog juice.

so. i do have to move. with a relatively uncharacteristic gesture, i flicked off my answering machine while listening to my landlord's wife repeat to the room that my house will probably be rented to someone else by august 15th. it's not that i'm so mad, i just think she's got crap reasons for kicking us to the curb, which she'd have realized if she'd talked to us for 5 minutes before she'd made up her mind. "i'm sorry, but i've made up my mind," she said to alan, which, one realizes, is a performative statement when one has rights to property. blah. i've given myself til the end of the week or so to make up my mind about all this. lots of interesting bits floating around, and a phone call with a senior monastic at fire lotus hopefully scheduled for today or tomorrow evening.

alum weekend happened. for me, it was exhausting and rife with old feelings. uncorked a lot of emotion, as well as bottles of wine. actually, the weekend had the precision of a scientific experiment: with repeated conditions, i went through exactly the same shit i did while i was a student: whimsical ringleader, wistful wanderer, announcer-of-bedtime, spiritual alien, surprise-in-a-dress, dodger of inappropriate remarks, cuddler with girls, one half of the platonic form of Roommates, delighter in plants and babies, religion department skeptic and secreter away of short dialogues with cute boys. friends are the best. i only cried for eric. more hugging than i've done probably since i graduated. when i did laundry last night my socks were full of mica.