As some of you know, I recently committed the social no-no of starting to date the ex of a friend of mine (those of you who haven't heard can email and ask WHO). I've been doing a lot of reflecting throughout the process, as well as a certain amount of panicking, weeping, and grinning like an idiot.
Choosing not to play nice, to go ahead and hurt someone for my own benefit, is strange for me. I have no idea how to find a middle way for guilt, something between psychic hara kiri and a Nietzschean pbbbt. I guess I settled on a day or so of suffering and then taking ownership of the choice I made, feeling happy.
I also prayed for humility, and for my feelings to be true. That is to say, as always, let my heart be in the right place.
A couple people I've told have had this, "Whoa," reaction, and I've come to believe that what I really did was make a personal choice that disregarded social rules, social relations, that flatly informal sphere of gossip, hanging out. This makes people nervous, understandably, especially those to whom I'm primarily tied via the social. My best friends just hope I'm happy.
Anyway.
The view from my new office is a stunner, especially after dark when the streetlights running down the parallels of 16th and 17th come on and, like heat shimmers, the horizon twinkles.
Can't resist a quick internet roundup.
This at equanimity yesterday:
Writing, teaching, having a conversation, feeling comes through. So often you can just see the writer hunching forward, forehead strained, lips pursed. Another birth dream? or another dog angry at having to do its business in public.
And totally best sonnet ever from Jim.
I don't know why this is also an archaeology blog, but this is amazing.
jades, jaguar-fang necklaces and Pacific Coast shells
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment